Hot Sex

Lance Bass gets an HRC award for being spotted in a gay bar after years of closets? I’ve been in lots of gay bars — I get should get an HRC award, or at least my money back.

I would donate more money to your cause if you didn’t harass me with phone calls three nights a week, junk mail and upscale event invitations. You obviously have enough money to spend without needing mine.

My fellow gay brethren, please wear clothes that fit you. If you are a grown man who purchased the shirt in the junior section, rest assured it’s too damn tight. Buy adult clothes, they look smart.

Why do hipster gays wear cartoon-covered underwear? I don’t want to bed a guy wearing Spider-Man briefs. Damn it, a cheap ass pair of Fruit of the Loom would be better. Grow up!

Stop bitching about not finding a nice, decent, honest boyfriend. A nice, decent, honest guy would not have anything to do with you because you are none of the above.

Why do queens/twinks always rant about showing us who the real man is whenever they are criticized for their excessive femininity and outrageous behavior in public? Babe you’ll never be a real man if you run around with a (lunchbox) purse and calling it trying something new won’t mitigate that fact.

I’ll never again imagine that anyone’s friendship, caring or civility extends beyond the point at which a rough patch is encountered. I really needed you and a kind word. But don’t worry, I’ll ignore you from now on.

Shutting people out of your life when they say something you don’t like is normal? Ah, the bonds between humans are so very strong. Welcome to our “I have to worry about me” civilization. Very Christian.

It’s been a year and a half since I left you, and I’ve had a great boyfriend all that time. Don’t you think it’s time to admit defeat?

So I see you had started dating a new guy while you were still seeing me. Wonder if you’ll do the same thing to him some day. I’m sure he thinks he’s special.

Finding a new boyfriend before fully breaking up with the old one is normal. It’s called self-preservation. So stop saying you love me and get over it. He’s not as smart as you but he’s a lot more available. Buh-bye!

It’s not your problem? That’s true, but would it kill you to try to help? We’re all each other’s problems or else society is a joke.

I find it sad when a bland local gay newspaper with an outdated format has to turn to cutesy, gimmicky features like “Bitch Session” in an effort to hold onto readership and keep it’s fading following entertained.

To the bitch who bitched about the Mercedes dealership: So Mercedes service is almost as bad as Mercedes cars. Now tell us something we don’t already know.

I’m tired of heterosexuals stereotyping how the typical gay or lesbian person acts. I’m gay and I don’t talk with a lisp. I’ve never seen a Barbara Streisand movie. Hell, I can’t even spell her name. I don’t listen to Madonna and Cher 24/7. To change the subject, I prefer Janet and Toni.

Don’t you think it is kind of silly to go to such lengths to snub me? You can’t reject someone who has never shown the slightest interest in you. It just comes across as bizarre.

Dear fat Craigslist game players posing behind hot pictures: Instead of wasting everyone’s time sending stolen pictures, hit the gym, go for a run, burn calories — whatever you need to do to get in shape. Then you could actually get some. And we would have even more hot homos to choose from — it’s mutually beneficial!

You hurt people through neglect or actions and snicker about it. You focus much more on your biceps than on others’ feelings and intellect. You go to brunch and have vapid conversation. You dance with your shirt off cause you’re so very hot in your mind. And you obsess about bodies and sex. Gay “culture” is such a beautiful thing. Buy in and you are a fool.

To the guy that said “I’m sick of all your attitude! I’ve smiled, said hello and tried to make eye contact, yet you treat me like the invisible man,” take the hint! I am not interested, and therefore you are invisible. Get some pride and move on.

I love “Brokeback Mountain.” I own it and I’ve seen it about 10 times now. I’ve also read the short story. The death of Jack Twist is left nebulous in both. More than likely he did die in an accident, but the short story also hints that he was beaten to death. Not, as the movie leads you to believe as the result of a gay bashing, but rather at the behest of his wife, Loreen, who figured out he was cheating on her.

What’s with all the gay men bringing hordes of straight women into our bars? One fag hag here and there is fine but not a whole school of fish. If I wanted to go to an aquarium, I’d drive to Baltimore.

Okay, someone’s gotta say this: What’s with this sub-cultural norm thing we have going where we greet everybody with a kiss? I don’t like kissing every person I encounter (including the hot ones) and I know I’m not alone. Yet, we all do it because we’re supposed to do it. Wake up guys! It’s really kinda gross and unsanitary.

Six hours after you tell me that I’m “partner material,” you change your mind and break up with me because you “can’t see yourself in a long-term relationship with me?” Somehow I don’t think I’m the one with the problems here. P.S. Thanks for the alimony check for that vacation we booked together two days ago. I’ll be sure to enjoy the trip with my friends.

My bitch is that most of these bitches are probably lies. Most folks that write in and say they have a Jag, 1,000 close friends and live in a mansion at the behest of an older and very sexy gentleman, are actually insecure losers wanting to pull the wool over our eyes. I don’t buy most of it.

I hate the bitchY lesbians that tell me and my partner we’re not real lesbians because I have a child and she is ordering sperm to get pregnant. Live your own lives and shut your big head up. Don’t tell me what I am.

Stop acting like you are doing me a favor by giving me the time of day. We both know you want something. You are too much of a user for me to think otherwise. Whatever it is, the answer is no.

I am a gay man who has worked his ass off to get to where he is both personally and professionally. I don’t owe bar trash anything. I did it on my own without a culture that excluded me for wearing the wrong shirt or jeans to happy hour.

Your idea of a conversation is picking someone apart and letting them know they don’t measure up in some way or another. That’s funny coming from a loser like you.

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