admin @ Sat, 2006-09-09 11:00
But according to a survey from Hamburg-Eppendorf University in Germany, the problem may not be anything deliberate or contrived; rather it may just be natural human evolution.
The researchers interviewed 530 men and women between the ages of 30 and 45 and found that within four years of a relationship, fewer than half the 30-year-old women wanted regular sex.
They found 60% of the women wanted sex often at the beginning of the relationship, but after four years the percentage fell to under 50% and after 20 years it dropped to about 20%.
Researchers concluded that women evolve a high sex drive when they're initially in a relationship in order to form a "pair bond" with their partner. But once the bond is sealed, a woman's sexual appetite declines naturally.
They state that judging from animal behaviour studies, this might be because females may be diverting their sexual interest towards other men in order to secure the best combinations of genetic material for their offspring.
They also theorize that for men, it might be that evolution has decreed they're constantly sexually motivated in order to keep from being cuckolded by other males.
They can quickly come up with any number of legitimate reasons why sex naturally drops off after marriage. The major one they cite is pure exhaustion from trying to manage a full-time career, small children, a home and a husband.
"By the time I get to bed at night, I am so tired I can hardly talk, let alone have hot sex," says Rebecca, 35, a Toronto lawyer and mother of a young child.
"It's true we could hardly keep our hands off each other when we met and first got married, but I guess reality finally sets in and sex doesn't seem so important."
As for "diverting sexual interest towards other men, etc.," Rebecca snorts with derisive laughter at the thought, stating she has neither the time nor the interest - and most of her married girlfriends would say the same.
She also points out that with today's hectic, demanding lifestyles, many married men are in the same boat, collapsing into bed exhausted at the end of another draining day.
But Dr. Marion Goertz, a registered marriage and family therapist in Toronto, cautions against losing the precious "connection" essential to a good marriage.
"To survive, couples need to be meaningfully connected," she says. "They both need to know they're accepted, respected and loved by their partner."
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