admin @ Sat, 2006-09-09 11:00
We collapsed together in the snow, our inebriated laughter filling the frigid campus air. Our roughhousing, although crude and clumsy, was unmistakably flirtatious.
He'd delivered a handful of snow to the back of my neck, and in retaliation I'd tripped him. Our bodies fell with a muted crunch. Then he pulled me on top of him. It was a delicious moment of anticipation and aroused senses.
"They're being introduced to a new situation and a culture involving partying and large amounts of alcohol, which have a big connection to sexual assault," says Dr. Margaret Toye, a women's studies professor at Wilfred Laurier University. Her involvement on WLU's sexual assault prevention committee led to the creation of an educational video for students. It can be viewed online at www.mylaurier.ca/development/videoWorkshop.htm.
Studies show a high percentage of sexual assaults occur within the first eight weeks of classes. Most women know their attackers and don't report an assault out of fear, guilt, shame or a belief that no help is available.
We had zeroed in on each other instantly that night at the campus pub. Copious drinks, dances and stimulating conversation later, we were trudging back to our dorms with a group of other freshmen. Then suddenly we were alone.
I recall briefly wondering, through my Labatt-induced haze, whether bringing him back to my room might be safer, but he insisted his room was closer and I acquiesced.
In the shoebox space, we flopped down on his single emaciated mattress. We were kissing and groping each other, he in his boxers and I in my briefs, when I had second thoughts.
He pushed me away, angrily adjusted his pillow, rolled over and passed out. In a daze, I put on my clothes, left and started my "walk of blame" home.
Had I unfairly led him on? Was I just overreacting? Maybe he had a right to be mad. I decided it was easier to act like nothing happened. After all, why cause a rift between our friends? When I got back to my dorm, I showered and threw my unwearable panties in the garbage.
I was lucky. Lots of young women every year aren't so fortunate. One in six women are victims of sexual assault during their time spent at university, says Toye.
In one Toronto study, 31% of males and 22% of females said "yes" when asked "if a girl engages in necking or petting and she lets things get out of hand, is it her own fault if her partner forces sex on her?"
But Toye says becoming a victim of sexual assault is never your fault, even if you wore a short miniskirt to the bar and were dancing seductively on tables all night.
"We're not saying don't drink or don't have sex. We're saying be aware of the situation when large amounts of alcohol are being consumed because that will change your ability to give consent," says Toye, adding ultimately students need to be responsible and make their own decisions.
You might think you're only being seductive, but it could be interpreted as invasive. The last thing you need is to have your reputation smeared or worse yet, a criminal charge.
If you've been assaulted, report it, says Toye, even if you're afraid of being charged with underage drinking. Officials will be more concerned with the assault than the infraction, she assures.
Talk about what happened to someone, even if you're not sure you were harassed. Most campuses have peer help crisis lines, a sexual assault centre and counselling services to support you through your decision about whether to press charges.
"It can affect your relationships, schoolwork, your whole life, so it's really important to seek some help if you've been sexually assaulted," says Toye.
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